Stories to Tell

“So many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them.”

-- Sylvia Plath

This is what I'm discovering in journalism school. Even stopping random people on the street can be fascinating. People are diverse, and interesting, and everyone's got a story to tell.

I was published in a major national newspaper!

I got published by the New York Times!!!!!!!!

It's not an actual piece of journalism, unfortunately, although that would have been too awesome for words.

Remember the scholarship essay I published below? There was an article in the New York Times Travel section a few weeks ago asking for readers to submit short essays about why they travel, and since my essay was on a similar theme, I figured what the hell.

So I submitted it.

Then this week I got an email from the Travel desk telling me that my essay, along with several others, had been chosen out of almost 400 to be published! An edited version of my essay will be in the print version of the Travel section of the Times this Sunday. It can also be found on the NY Times website here.

FYI, it's the fourth and last one, titled (not by me), "At Home in Kabul." And this is an edited version of what I submitted, which is the same as shown several posts earlier on this blog.

Tumblr

I just started a tumblr. I'm not entirely sure what they are called, so I'm just calling it my tumblr. I recently heard that it is taking over the social media empire, so I figured I should get in on it. Social media is becoming an important part of journalism. For several of my classes I've been required to tweet and/or keep a blog. I actually have two blogs, a facebook account, and a Twitter account. I'm just adding this to the lot.

http://kelseywanderer.tumblr.com/

Check it out!

Newspapers

As I'm a graduate student in a journalism program, for many of my classes I'm required to subscribe to the local daily paper and occasionally the New York Times. My teachers insist that we go the old school route and get hard copies delivered rather than just reading online. As a result, my apartment spends most of the year buried under piles of old newspapers.

The Pale Cast of Thought

Right now I feel like I'm teetering at the edge of an abyss. I have to make a decision about next year; I can't keep going in this limbo where I currently linger. I graduated from college more than two years ago and I still have yet to find a "real" job. I know that most people, especially in this economy, would tell me that any job, much less one that pays most if not all of my bills, qualifies as a "real" job. My parents are not those people. As they never hesitate to remind me, they dropped a quite large amount of money on my education and as a result would like for me to actually use that education. Working in a kitchen, or even catering, does not qualify. Most of the time I don't mind my job, although sometimes I'll admit I would like to wash my hands of that place (and that's a bad pun, for those of you who might not be aware that working in a kitchen necessitates washing your hands constantly).

A few months ago I finally decided that my next step would be graduate school, and after much soul-searching I settled on journalism for my degree program. However, I've since reconsidered.

I managed to get an internship writing for a small local independent newspaper, which even pays, but after doing my first story I started to wonder if journalism was for me. I'm not sure that I have the personality for it. My first interview, which was face-t0-face with the two co-managers at Wal-Mart (I know, I know--I hate Wal-Mart too) pretty much scared the crap out of me. I've never been good with people, and talking to strangers scares me. I practically ran out of the store without bothering to talk to some customers, get some background, like I should have. My next interview went much more smoothly, mostly because it was a phone interview which is much less intimidating. Also, I can't write that quickly so phone interviews allow me to use my computer and type my notes instead of scrawling them as fast as I can and still missing half of what they say.

But even putting all of that aside, my two biggest problems are that:

1.) When interviewing, I get so nervous that my brain shuts down and completely empties of anything. Basically, I stop thinking and then can't come up with any more questions or anything I might have decided earlier to ask about. It all just flies away and I'm stuck with blankness. It's not just when I interview people, it also happens at work when I'm under pressure and have to decide something or fix a problem. My brain just freezes, and I don't know how to make that stop. I've been dealing with it for more than a year now and it still happens.

2.) I have this sort of, complex I guess you could call it, about people not liking me. I can't ask the tough questions, I don't like to make people mad. I live in the real world, I know that reporters generally piss people off and as a result most people hate them. I'm not sure if I could deal with people hating me and--worst of all--active hostility. I hate confrontations and I quail under scrutiny.

Can I get past these mindsets? I guess that's the million-dollar question. I'm sure going to try, though.

I went to talk to my former journalism professor again today, and again she tried to bolster my confidence. Talking to her makes me feel better, but honestly, she doesn't know me well enough for me to really take it seriously. Case in point: today she told me that she hadn't realized I was shy, that it surprised her to hear that. Ha! Anyone who knows me knows that I'm shy. I'm a follower, not a leader. She also told me that interviewing will get easier as I get more used to it, and that eventually I'll be able to write quickly and coherently without even looking at the pad. I appreciate her encouragement, I just wish that I could really believe it.

However, I do still strongly believe the same things that led me to decide on journalism in the first place. Honestly, that's the only reason that I haven't completely dropped the idea yet.

Are the strength of my ideals enough to carry me through?

I guess I'll find out.

Oh Frabjous Day!

Today has been a fabulous day! I took a walk downtown for a joint-shopping/errand/photo trip, and was fortunate enough to get several great shots of fall foliage and the beautiful afternoon light. I also received a phone call confirming me as an intern for a local paper! A paid intern! Granted, it's merely a free paper with a staff of (now) two, but I'll still be developing, researching, and writing stories which will then be published and I'll even get paid for it, which is the most unbelievable thing. Granted, it's only $20 per story, but that's a lot better than I was expecting--which is $0. Usually interns are granted the privilege of working for free, so any paycheck makes me happy :)

Solitary Sentinel

A short time ago I made the decision to go to apply to graduate school next year. Of course, that decision has brought the requisite headaches and snafu's that are slowly driving me out of my mind. I knew that this process would be full of hassles, but I feel like I'm hitting a roadblock at every turn. Each time I feel like I've triumphed, somehow managing to overcome what felt like an insurmountable obstacle, I immediately turn around and run face-first into another one!

At first my biggest (and most basic!) problem was deciding exactly what course of study I wanted to pursue. The problem is that there are so many fields of study that I find fascinating, and also that I wasn't really sure precisely what I wanted to do with my life. I couldn't settle on a career because there were so many options and none really stood out more than the rest. Eventually, after several discussions with several former professors, I settled on journalism.

Journalism is a field that not only fascinates me, but one that has so much power and capability to do good, and it seems like that power has been misused in the past decade (i.e. the 2002-3 run-up to Iraq invasion). I've also been a bit of a news junkie for the past several years, and something that never ceases to infuriate me is the lack of coverage for serious issues while the headlines splashed all over the country usually involve Lindsay Lohan's latest stint in rehab or which celebrity is cheating with which other celebrity. How do the usually excessive and often criminal peccadilloes of celebrities trump the invasion of a country and the deaths of hundreds to thousands of innocent people, such as when Russia invaded Georgia or Israel attacked Gaza? Both times neither event was the leading headline. Things like that are what I would like to change.

The biggest challenge facing me, however, is the possibility of getting into grad school. Because right now my chances are not looking good. I spent several hours this afternoon with a friend studying for the GRE, which really means taking a practice test. Disappointingly, I didn't do as well on the Verbal section as I had hoped, but it wasn't that bad and if I study it should be fine. However, the real problem was with the Quantitative section. In other words: the bane of my existence since first grade. I hate math. My brain just isn't wired for it. When I was reading those practice questions, it was like trying to read Japanese. It made absolutely no sense. Even when my friend was trying to help me by working through the problems and explaining them as she went, I wasn't getting any of it. Some of it sounded vaguely familiar, misty remnants from long-ago classes that, like smoke, were gone as soon as I tried to grasp them.

I'm seriously worried about taking the GRE now, because I don't think I'll be able to pass the Quantitative section with a score that will allow me get into any school I like. Or any school at all. Even if I do better on the Verbal than I expect, it won't be enough to offset the abysmal Quantitative score I'm expecting, and all the programs I'm interested in require a minimum of (usually) 1000-1100 for admission.

It's really too bad, because I was just getting excited about all this research I've been doing and finding programs that I really like and daydreaming about all the possibilities. I'm still definitely going to pursue it, though, and cracking the GRE will be my first step. It's time to study, study, STUDY! At least until I actually take the test in a few weeks. Depending on my score, I'll decide then what will happen next once I have a concrete answer (how long does it take for you to get your score, anyway?) but until then I'm going to keep pressing forward with my research, reference letters, and personal statements until the very last minute.