I've been on Tumblr for several months now, and most of the other tumblrs I follow are related to Afghanistan, as that is where my interest lies. Most are aid workers, journalists, Afghan-Americans, etc., but I did stumble upon the tumblrs of a couple of soldiers who are serving in Afghanistan that were interesting and unusual enough to add to my follow list. One of them I basically started following purely because of the relationship he has with his fiancee, as shown through their respective tumblrs. They're completely adorable and I pretty much love them just for that.
Anyway, the guy, Justin, just got back from Afghanistan a couple weeks ago, and judging by his recent entries is having a tough time readjusting. Reading these posts makes my heart go out to him, and his fiancee, because that must be an incredibly difficult experience. He's mentioned having nightmares several times, and I know from personal experience how horrific nightmares can be.
I can't possibly understand exactly what he's going through now, because his realm of experience of being in Afghanistan as part of the military is completely different from anything I've ever known, but I do recognize some of the symptoms he's mentioned.
Everyone's heard of culture shock, and it definitely does happen. I've experienced it myself. However, what everyone fails to tell you is that reverse culture shock is much more traumatic and difficult to deal with. Readjusting to the familiar can be much harder than adjusting to the different.
I've experienced this twice; first when I returned from my semester studying abroad in Denmark, and then again last year when I returned from my short trip to Afghanistan. It was much worse the second time.
Upon returning from Denmark, the biggest problem I had was that being able to understand everything being said around me was a shock. My system couldn't handle it. I'd just spent four months in a foreign country, where a foreign language is spoken and hearing an American speaking English was significant enough that you would turn around and look if you did hear one. Other than that, and a few other small differences, there wasn't much of a problem. Denmark wasn't really all that different from the U.S., comparatively.
However, returning from Afghanistan was much, much harder. It's odd, really. The visit was relatively uneventful, no traumatic events, major catastrophes, or even terribly emotional aspects. Completely unlike what I imagine Justin's experience in Afghanistan was and a fraction of the length. Yet I had a hell of a time readjusting to my life here.
I kept getting angry -- completely, irrationally, over-the-top angry -- over the smallest little things. Things that I barely even would have noticed before, yet now I would completely blow my stack over. This happened constantly, pretty much every day for the next five months or so. I was argumentative, bitchy, rage-filled, moody, impatient, rude -- all sorts of things that usually don't apply to me (well, to be honest I can be bitchy and/or moody sometimes, but not usually to this extent).
I started having trouble at work and then getting in trouble at work. My boss spoke to me several times, but I just couldn't seem to control it. I was working as a caterer and kitchen worker at the time, which was not good because a large part of my job was dealing with customers. Bad job to have when you can't keep a lid on your temper.
Once I realized what was going on -- it's surprising how difficult to even realize at the time that this sort of behavior is abnormal, usually I don't recognize culture shock or depression or whatever until after it's over -- I started analyzing what was going on and why.
I realized that after my trip to Kabul, seeing how people's lives have been torn apart by war, how starvation is a daily threat, how those people have nothing yet manage to live their lives, it was difficult to come back and care about whether the lemonade pitcher was full for the guests at an anniversary party or if they had ran out of appetizers or had enough napkins. I had seem people live in shipping containers, tents made out of leftover tarps scavenged from the garbage with no heat, no electricity, barely enough food to survive, nothing. Where heaps of garbage line the streets, where kids beg for food to feed their families, where refugees from Kandahar and Helmand try to eke out a miserable existence in IDP camps outside the city. Sorrow and misery seemed to be everywhere. Then after all that I came back to this land of excess and overindulgence and it infuriated me.
It all just seemed so unimportant, and I couldn't make myself care. I was desperate to get back to Afghanistan, where things seemed to make sense, where I could make a difference and do something to help.
Eventually, however, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to return to Afghanistan. I was leaving for grad school at the end of the summer, so moving abroad clearly wasn't an option.
Gradually the fits of rage faded and then stopped completely. I went back to my usual laid-back self and life returned mostly to normal.
For me, the readjustment period was short yet brutally difficult. I'm afraid that for Justin it will last much longer, maybe even the rest of his life, and is undoubtedly much worse than it was for me.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Vintage Jade
When it comes to style and fashion, I'm pretty much clueless. If I like something, I'll wear it, but not without an immense amount of staring in the mirror and deliberating the relative fashionable-ness of it (or not).
Considering that for the past few years I've been buried in a small rural town in Illinois working in a kitchen, I've paid even less attention to fashionable clothes than usual. As a result, on the off chance that I do manage to get that internship in Washington, DC this summer, I realized that I won't have any appropriate work clothes to wear. Any that I already own are from my last year of college or earlier, which puts them firmly out of style. This has led me to do quite a bit of research on style/clothes/fashion trends over the past few days. I'm out of practice when it comes to business casual, office-appropriate outfits so I've been trying to remedy that through internet research.
Unfortunately, due to my limited (or more accurately, non-existent) budget, even if I do get the internship and head out for some shopping, at best I would be able to buy a few items and only for extremely reduced prices. But with me being me, that hasn't stopped me from admiring and dreaming! During the course of my research I've come across quite a few separate pieces as well as complete outfits that immediately had me salivating.
Oh, to be rich...
The outfit below is one of them. I love absolutely everything about this dress, from the rich vivid green to the asymmetrical draping across the chest to the traditional tea length. I also love the choice of shoes. Paired with this dress, the shoes add to the classic 1930's feel of the outfit. That happens to be a period I adore stylistically, so everything about this looks appeals to me.
Considering that for the past few years I've been buried in a small rural town in Illinois working in a kitchen, I've paid even less attention to fashionable clothes than usual. As a result, on the off chance that I do manage to get that internship in Washington, DC this summer, I realized that I won't have any appropriate work clothes to wear. Any that I already own are from my last year of college or earlier, which puts them firmly out of style. This has led me to do quite a bit of research on style/clothes/fashion trends over the past few days. I'm out of practice when it comes to business casual, office-appropriate outfits so I've been trying to remedy that through internet research.
Unfortunately, due to my limited (or more accurately, non-existent) budget, even if I do get the internship and head out for some shopping, at best I would be able to buy a few items and only for extremely reduced prices. But with me being me, that hasn't stopped me from admiring and dreaming! During the course of my research I've come across quite a few separate pieces as well as complete outfits that immediately had me salivating.
Oh, to be rich...
The outfit below is one of them. I love absolutely everything about this dress, from the rich vivid green to the asymmetrical draping across the chest to the traditional tea length. I also love the choice of shoes. Paired with this dress, the shoes add to the classic 1930's feel of the outfit. That happens to be a period I adore stylistically, so everything about this looks appeals to me.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Oh Frabjous Day!
Today has been a fabulous day! I took a walk downtown for a joint-shopping/errand/photo trip, and was fortunate enough to get several great shots of fall foliage and the beautiful afternoon light. I also received a phone call confirming me as an intern for a local paper! A paid intern! Granted, it's merely a free paper with a staff of (now) two, but I'll still be developing, researching, and writing stories which will then be published and I'll even get paid for it, which is the most unbelievable thing. Granted, it's only $20 per story, but that's a lot better than I was expecting--which is $0. Usually interns are granted the privilege of working for free, so any paycheck makes me happy :)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Rainbow of Knives
Again, the fruits of my labors. Seriously, I think I take too many photos while I'm supposed to be working. But photography is just so much more fun!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
New Photos
I was talking to one of my coworkers, who is also interested in photography (and exceedingly jealous of my new DSLR!), during our lunch breaks yesterday about how I haven't been taking any pictures lately, even though I have this nice new camera. I was telling her how I would usually go for a walk downtown, and that's where I would take most of my shots, but since my ipod disappeared I've had no inclication to walk anywhere (I know, I know, I'm pathetic). Her suggestion was for me to try take a picture every day. It doesn't have to be great, or even that good, just. . . . a picture. Of course, seeing as how I'm slightly a perfectionist, I'm going to end up taking dozens in an attempt to get one good one. Oh well, that's the advantage of going digital :)
This isn't 100%, but I'm at least going to try taking one photo every day. I might not post it here, but I'll try, as, after all, this is what this blog is for. A medium for me to display my photos and to encourage myself to take more.
So, for better or worse, here is my first attempt at posting a daily photo. Enjoy!
This isn't 100%, but I'm at least going to try taking one photo every day. I might not post it here, but I'll try, as, after all, this is what this blog is for. A medium for me to display my photos and to encourage myself to take more.
So, for better or worse, here is my first attempt at posting a daily photo. Enjoy!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Workplace Drama
On a slightly more entertaining but somewhat awkward level, I'm now officially hated by someone. And surprisingly, other than being fairly amused and a little uncomfortable with it, I really could care less. That's an improvement, trust me. A year ago the thought that someone didn't like me, much less professed to hate me, would have caused me to completely flip out. I used to be one of those people that always had to be nice, to have people love me and would go to crazy lengths to achieve that and obsess about it endlessly. Now I just kind of smile and shrug and go on with my work. Because yes, it is someone at work (of course, it would have to be since I don't know anyone else in this town other than coworkers). It's this FNG who has been catering with us recently. Sorry, that's not very polite. It's this new guy who has been catering with us recently. It's kind of a long complicated story that would require a lot of explanations b/c none of you internet readers are familiar with the situation at my work, so I'll just stick to the bare bones of the facts.
We hired this new guy, who I thought was supposed to be for catering only b/c we're always shorthanded with that (no one wants to do it; it's long hours, hard work, and very little pay) so when he was assigned to help us with it I wasn't surprised. Only I have to claim my share of the blame for the clusterfudge we've now found ourselves in. My boss kind of believes in throwing people straight into the fire when it comes to catering. Training is provided on the job, if at all. Now catering events tend to be incredibly busy and completely crazy, keeping us running the entire time--which is not exactly the best time to have to stop and explain stuff to a newbie. Also I'm not very good at training new people and explaining things. My instructions tend to either sound like abrupt orders or tentative suggestions.
The first event he helped with was even busier than usual because the guests showed up an hour early and we were NOT prepared. So New Guy (NG from now on) didn't really have much training, simply b/c we were too busy to provide it, as it's often easier to just do stuff ourselves rather than have to stop and tell someone else to do it (especially if they don't know how).
His next assigned event was helping me to cater a HUGE graduation party with like 150 guests. Two caterers for 150 people? Yeah, right. And New Guy started disappearing. I'd be running back and forth, look around, and NG would be nowhere. That started to irk me a little, as I was literally being run off my feet. As soon as I refilled drinks, the food would be gone. I'd refill the food, start to pick up plates, and the drinks would be gone again. I'd refill drinks, and they would be out of glasses. You get the picture. Meanwhile, I'd dash into the back room (sometimes referred to as the ballroom kitchen), and NG would be standing there with his hands in his pockets, doing nothing. I mean, I get that he's new, but some things are just kind of obvious. They're called eyes. Use them! And partly it was my fault because I'm not very good at telling people what to do, and then I just got irritated and didn't want to tell him to do stuff b/c I didn't think I'd be very nice about it. So another girl from the kitchen who was supposed to be getting off duty ended up coming over and helping me out instead, while NG either stood around or disappeared some more. So finally this other girl kind of lost her temper and yelled at him, telling him to get to work. She would tell him to go pick up plates, he'd go out once and load up, put them in the back room, and then disappear again. We literally had to tell him every time to go do something. This continued all night.
Then on Saturday night we had another huge wedding reception; it was just me, NG, and another girl, we'll call her Charity. Basically, again, same thing happened. I'd even had a little talk with NG prior to the event starting, telling him the basic idea of what needs to be done, and told him NOT to pull the disappearing thing again. Of course that was pointless. He pulled the same routine all over again, sticking me and Charity with most of the work except when we specifically told him to do something or he got to show off how strong and cool he was was by either carrying something heavy and showcasing his muscles or standing around with his hands in his pockets looking suave and mature. That was sarcasm in case you missed it. I had come in an hour early to make sure everything was done and I sent Charity home early since she had to be in at 7 the next morning; of course, NG had already asked if he could go home so I said fine, since pretty much everything was done, and as he left he muttered something about his feet hurting him. Poor baby. Needless to say, I was the last out of there again.
Then the next day all three of us were working regular shifts in the kitchen, and Charity and I were finishing up in the ballroom most of the day, including cleaning up some stuff that NG did wrong and therefore making more work for us. He has a problem with just going ahead and doing stuff that he doesn't know how to do, instead of asking how to do it, which means he does it wrong and we have to clean up after him. Sometimes even after I've told him how to do it right.
Anyways, at one point I was alone over in the ballroom b/c Charity had gone back over to the kitchen to help out, and suddenly she comes storming into the back room fuming over something. Eventually she tells me that NG had told E, another guy who works with us, that Charity and I are lazy bitches and he hates us. Uhhhhh.......okay. We're lazy? We actually do our work plus his work b/c he's never there, and WE'RE lazy? He probably only hates us because we make him work, which apparently he doesn't like. When he and I catered the grad party and were cleaning up afterwards, he kept asking if he could go. I'd say no, b/c we weren't done yet. Then when I finally did say he could go, as he left I heard him mutter under his breath, "Thank God". Clearly that boy needs to toughen up. He hasn't even worked a hard shift yet. Wait til he spends 14 hours running off his feet, able to sit down maybe 15 minutes out of those 14 hours, and those are just a minute here and there adding up to the 15 minutes total. THEN your feet will hurt. GRRR!!! At the time I was just amused, but now I'm starting to get annoyed! He'd better watch out--I might be a forgive-and-forget-type person, but some of my coworkers are revenge-and-retribution-type people, and he's starting to piss them off some too. They WILL make him miserable if he continues in this vein.
I'm sorry, that turned from a simple explanation to a full-on rant, which I hadn't intended. But it did make me feel better :)
We hired this new guy, who I thought was supposed to be for catering only b/c we're always shorthanded with that (no one wants to do it; it's long hours, hard work, and very little pay) so when he was assigned to help us with it I wasn't surprised. Only I have to claim my share of the blame for the clusterfudge we've now found ourselves in. My boss kind of believes in throwing people straight into the fire when it comes to catering. Training is provided on the job, if at all. Now catering events tend to be incredibly busy and completely crazy, keeping us running the entire time--which is not exactly the best time to have to stop and explain stuff to a newbie. Also I'm not very good at training new people and explaining things. My instructions tend to either sound like abrupt orders or tentative suggestions.
The first event he helped with was even busier than usual because the guests showed up an hour early and we were NOT prepared. So New Guy (NG from now on) didn't really have much training, simply b/c we were too busy to provide it, as it's often easier to just do stuff ourselves rather than have to stop and tell someone else to do it (especially if they don't know how).
His next assigned event was helping me to cater a HUGE graduation party with like 150 guests. Two caterers for 150 people? Yeah, right. And New Guy started disappearing. I'd be running back and forth, look around, and NG would be nowhere. That started to irk me a little, as I was literally being run off my feet. As soon as I refilled drinks, the food would be gone. I'd refill the food, start to pick up plates, and the drinks would be gone again. I'd refill drinks, and they would be out of glasses. You get the picture. Meanwhile, I'd dash into the back room (sometimes referred to as the ballroom kitchen), and NG would be standing there with his hands in his pockets, doing nothing. I mean, I get that he's new, but some things are just kind of obvious. They're called eyes. Use them! And partly it was my fault because I'm not very good at telling people what to do, and then I just got irritated and didn't want to tell him to do stuff b/c I didn't think I'd be very nice about it. So another girl from the kitchen who was supposed to be getting off duty ended up coming over and helping me out instead, while NG either stood around or disappeared some more. So finally this other girl kind of lost her temper and yelled at him, telling him to get to work. She would tell him to go pick up plates, he'd go out once and load up, put them in the back room, and then disappear again. We literally had to tell him every time to go do something. This continued all night.
Then on Saturday night we had another huge wedding reception; it was just me, NG, and another girl, we'll call her Charity. Basically, again, same thing happened. I'd even had a little talk with NG prior to the event starting, telling him the basic idea of what needs to be done, and told him NOT to pull the disappearing thing again. Of course that was pointless. He pulled the same routine all over again, sticking me and Charity with most of the work except when we specifically told him to do something or he got to show off how strong and cool he was was by either carrying something heavy and showcasing his muscles or standing around with his hands in his pockets looking suave and mature. That was sarcasm in case you missed it. I had come in an hour early to make sure everything was done and I sent Charity home early since she had to be in at 7 the next morning; of course, NG had already asked if he could go home so I said fine, since pretty much everything was done, and as he left he muttered something about his feet hurting him. Poor baby. Needless to say, I was the last out of there again.
Then the next day all three of us were working regular shifts in the kitchen, and Charity and I were finishing up in the ballroom most of the day, including cleaning up some stuff that NG did wrong and therefore making more work for us. He has a problem with just going ahead and doing stuff that he doesn't know how to do, instead of asking how to do it, which means he does it wrong and we have to clean up after him. Sometimes even after I've told him how to do it right.
Anyways, at one point I was alone over in the ballroom b/c Charity had gone back over to the kitchen to help out, and suddenly she comes storming into the back room fuming over something. Eventually she tells me that NG had told E, another guy who works with us, that Charity and I are lazy bitches and he hates us. Uhhhhh.......okay. We're lazy? We actually do our work plus his work b/c he's never there, and WE'RE lazy? He probably only hates us because we make him work, which apparently he doesn't like. When he and I catered the grad party and were cleaning up afterwards, he kept asking if he could go. I'd say no, b/c we weren't done yet. Then when I finally did say he could go, as he left I heard him mutter under his breath, "Thank God". Clearly that boy needs to toughen up. He hasn't even worked a hard shift yet. Wait til he spends 14 hours running off his feet, able to sit down maybe 15 minutes out of those 14 hours, and those are just a minute here and there adding up to the 15 minutes total. THEN your feet will hurt. GRRR!!! At the time I was just amused, but now I'm starting to get annoyed! He'd better watch out--I might be a forgive-and-forget-type person, but some of my coworkers are revenge-and-retribution-type people, and he's starting to piss them off some too. They WILL make him miserable if he continues in this vein.
I'm sorry, that turned from a simple explanation to a full-on rant, which I hadn't intended. But it did make me feel better :)
Ruby Tuesday
This week I actually went out looking for red, and surprise! I found it under my very nose, at work! This is the lineup of various drink machines in the ballroom kitchen where we do most of our catering. The red one is one of the three spigots on the giant coffee maker we have back there. And just FYI, that coffee maker is possessed. It hates me. It keeps breaking down--as soon as we fix one problem, another one manifests itself. Coffee Satan's latest foible was to keep overflowing when we tried to make coffee, so that there would be a deluge of water coming out of it in several spots, completely soaking the floor and everything around it while we frantically scrambled to find bowls and pitchers to catch the water in, then of course stopping as soon as the water-catchers are all in place. Well, we fixed that and shortly after, instead of overflowing water, it started overflowing coffee. Then we fixed that, and so far nothing else has gone wrong with it.
Although our little coffee maker has started occasionally leaking when we use it.
[sigh]
You just can't win.
See more Ruby Tuesday entries here.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
R & R
That is something I desperately need. Luckily I have tomorrow off, so I can get at least a small amount of rest and relaxation. I got home at 3 AM last night (or I guess it would be more accurate to say this morning) from work. Another wedding reception. And then I have to be in at 3 PM today for a huge graduation party. What kind of high school graduate invites 150 people to their graduation party? Seriously? I had maybe 20 at mine. Jeez.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
My Memorial Day
I realize that today is not actually Memorial Day; it is on Monday. But for me, today is my Memorial Day as it is the day where the meaning of the holiday actually strikes closest to home. I work in catering, we do all sorts of events but most often they are wedding receptions, especially right now as this is wedding season. Last night we had a rehearsal dinner for one particular couple, and then today is their wedding and we're doing their reception tonight as well.
If you're wondering why this is relevant, well, it's because the groom is in the army and about to be deployed to Iraq for his third tour and all of his groomsmen are soldiers as well. He proposed on Valentine's Day, they're getting married tomorrow, and he leaves soon for Iraq. They had to rush to plan a wedding in three months--it must have been an insane amount of work, but they wanted to be married before he deployed. Sweet, but also sad.
I ended up having to bartend last night (for the first time ever; there was a mix-up over whether they were having a bar) and while I was catering and then bartending, I overheard a bit. The only one I knew for certain was in the army was the groom, because my boss had explained their situation to me, but as soon as they all showed up I knew that at least all the men in the room were military. They all had that look. And then as I was walking among them, I kept overhearing snatches of conversation, words like, "platoon" and "NCO" and various other military-isms like that. The groom is leaving soon for Iraq--and I think that his groomsmen all are as well-- for the next in a series of multiple tours, and they all had a rather somber attitude. There was none of the usual boisterous laughter and joviality; they all sat around and talked quietly together. I'm not really sure how this evening will go; they ordered two kegs and a bar so there will be a large amount of alcohol imbibed, but I'm not sure if the solemn attitude will prevail or if they will forget their impending future for a short time and let go.
Anyways, my point in sharing this little anecdote with you is to mention that this is what really brings home the meaning in Memorial Day. It's seeing how war affects real people and their families, the suffering they go through and how it never really leaves them. That is why war should be ended, or even better, never begun in the first place. If that is not possible, then at least the American public should be aware of what happens in war, of all the people that are killed, maimed, wounded, their lives disrupted, their homes destroyed, the grief of their families. They should know that it is happening.
If you're wondering why this is relevant, well, it's because the groom is in the army and about to be deployed to Iraq for his third tour and all of his groomsmen are soldiers as well. He proposed on Valentine's Day, they're getting married tomorrow, and he leaves soon for Iraq. They had to rush to plan a wedding in three months--it must have been an insane amount of work, but they wanted to be married before he deployed. Sweet, but also sad.
I ended up having to bartend last night (for the first time ever; there was a mix-up over whether they were having a bar) and while I was catering and then bartending, I overheard a bit. The only one I knew for certain was in the army was the groom, because my boss had explained their situation to me, but as soon as they all showed up I knew that at least all the men in the room were military. They all had that look. And then as I was walking among them, I kept overhearing snatches of conversation, words like, "platoon" and "NCO" and various other military-isms like that. The groom is leaving soon for Iraq--and I think that his groomsmen all are as well-- for the next in a series of multiple tours, and they all had a rather somber attitude. There was none of the usual boisterous laughter and joviality; they all sat around and talked quietly together. I'm not really sure how this evening will go; they ordered two kegs and a bar so there will be a large amount of alcohol imbibed, but I'm not sure if the solemn attitude will prevail or if they will forget their impending future for a short time and let go.
Anyways, my point in sharing this little anecdote with you is to mention that this is what really brings home the meaning in Memorial Day. It's seeing how war affects real people and their families, the suffering they go through and how it never really leaves them. That is why war should be ended, or even better, never begun in the first place. If that is not possible, then at least the American public should be aware of what happens in war, of all the people that are killed, maimed, wounded, their lives disrupted, their homes destroyed, the grief of their families. They should know that it is happening.
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