Wild and Whirling Thoughts

I know I just posted a few hours ago, but I can't sleep. I have too many thoughts racing around my brain right now for calm repose. I have to get up in six hours, and I don't function too well on less than nine hours of sleep, but sleep is impossible at this moment.

Lately I've been seeing in pictures. And by pictures, I mean photographs. Everywhere I go, I see possible photos. I'm going to start carrying my SLR around with me all the time, so hopefully I can start to capture all the pictures I see.

Me, photojournalist. Can it be? It's a dream I've been carrying around tucked in my back pocket for, oh, years now. I put it aside years ago, filed away under "Impossible". Can I do it though? That's the question. Will I be good at it? Do I have enough art in my soul to succeed? Is my skin thick enough to withstand the rough parts (and it will be rough).

I know I'm repeating myself here, but I feel like I've been wandering this past year and a half since I graduated from college. Is photojournalism my destination? Do I even have one? Do I need one? Is the meaning really in the journey rather than the destination? I never really could quite buy that before, but now I think it just might be the truth. It's all about how you get there, not when. Non-traditional, non-linear just might work for me, I think. I rebel. I rebel just to rebel. I don't like being forced to do anything, and that goes for traditional life paths as much as anything. School, career, marriage, children. That is what is expected. Therefore, that is the last thing I want, at least right now.

Do I really need to lay out my life before me in black and white? Do I need a pre-planned outline of how to live? No, life doesn't work like that. I'm starting to realize that I need to just enjoy what happens and worry less about whether certain things are achieved, and whether they are time stamped by such and such date. If photojournalism works out, which I can't help but hope it does, then good. If not, I'll wander on to the next passion, and maybe that one will work out. The journey continues. As long as I enjoy it, do I really need to land anywhere?

Just let it be. Que sera, sera.

Really, though, I'm crossing my fingers for photojournalism.