My Holiday Wish List

I realize that not only is today already Christmas Day, but that the day is almost over. However, since my family isn't actually having our Christmas celebration until my siblings and I all converge on my parents' place at New Year's, this list isn't late after all. In this case, I've decided to bring you my top 5 holiday wish list, counting down to the one thing I want more than anything else for Christmas. So here's hoping....


5.) Northanger Abbey

This is one of my favorite Jane Austen novels, and the 2007 Masterpiece Theater movie version is one of the best film adaptations of an Austen novel that I've seen. Northanger Abbey is less epic than Pride & Prejudice but has its' own brand of romantic sweetness. It's really a spoof of the gothic novel craze at the time, and tends to come off more like a teenager's P & P, I think. I yearn to own this DVD, so I can watch Catherine's silly adolescent daydreams over and over again. She's a girl after my own heart: adorable, imaginative, and completely deserving of her very own happily-ever-after with Mr. Tilney.



4.) Harm None thumb ring

I love this ring from Pyramid Collections. I've always liked thumb rings, and "Harm None" is a motto I can live by.



3.) Gloria Jean's flavored coffees

Usually I try to buy only fair trade organic coffee, but I have a weakness for Gloria Jean's yummy flavored coffees. I think my personal favorite was chocolate caramel, but they're all good. Plus, Gloria Jean's isn't entirely evil, as they are partnered with the Rainforest Alliance in an attempt to improve the lives of coffee growers and conserve the fragile ecosystems where coffee is grown.



2.) Kiva.

I love the idea of Kiva. Random people giving microloans to finance entrepreneurial small-business owners in the third world? How brilliant is that? Microloans are a vital part of stimulating the economies of developing countries, and also help individual, ordinary people at the same time. Sheer genius.



1.) Reality Tour to Afghanistan--courtesy of Global Exchange.

I discovered Global Exchange and their reality tours sometime last year, and became an instant fan. I love to travel, but I've always hated the idea of being a typical "tourist"where you go to a country, see the sights, and then leave without learning anything about the people or what life in that country is really like. I like this idea of "responsible tourism;" where you learn about a major issue affecting a country, region, and/or culture. I've always been the type of traveler that visits museums instead of bars (sadly, unlike most Americans of my age); and I firmly believe that the best way to learn about a place is firsthand from the regular people that live there, instead of tour guides.

Out of all the places they offer tours to, the yearly trip to Afghanistan piqued my interest the most because for most Americans, the only context they have is war, terrorists, and women in bright blue burqas. I like to know things, so I tend to deeply pursue topics that interest me--and even some that don't. I've done a lot of research into Afghanistan and learned enough to know that there is far more to that country and the people that live there than can be summed up in the war/terrorist label. I'm also somewhat fascinated by the culture and the history, and all of the struggles currently taking place there, the least important of which is the one between NATO and the Taliban.

However, as I currently work for minimum wage I only earn about $12,000 a year, and this trip costs about a fourth of my annual income at nearly $3,000 (the program fee plus airfare), it doesn't look like I'll be heading to Afghanistan come March.

Merry Christmas To All, And To All a Good Night!

Happy holidays, everyone! Here are a few timeless and classic Christmas quotes for your holiday cheer. Enjoy!


"Were I a philosopher, I should write a philosophy of toys, showing that nothing else in life need to be taken seriously, and that Christmas Day in the company of children is one of the few occasions on which men become entirely alive."

-Robert Lynd


"Time was with most of us, when Christmas Day, encircling all our limited world like a magic ring, left nothing out for us to miss or seek; bound together all our home enjoyments, affections, and hopes; grouped everything and everyone round the Christmas fire, and make the little picture shining in our bright young eyes, complete."

-Charles Dickens


"Christmas is a time when you get homesick -- even when you're home."

-Carol Nelson


And of course, no compilation of Christmas-themed quotes is complete without the well-known and oft-quoted...


Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus

By Francis P. Church, first published in The New York Sun in 1897. [See The People’s Almanac, pp. 1358–9.]

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

Dear Editor—

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

'Tis the Season, After All

Christmas at the Radio City Music Hall in NYC.

Christmas is such a great excuse. You can use it to justify all sorts of impulse buys beyond your price range, as I have found out over the past two Christmases.

I bought myself my Christmas present today. I really shouldn't have, as I definitely can't afford it right now, but I couldn't help myself. How often do you run across precisely what you have spent several years been looking for--and it's on sale?

It was meant to be.

I've been trying to find a good weekender bag for quite a while now, even going so far as buying a poor imitation all the while knowing that it wasn't what I wanted just because it was close enough, and I was desperate. Then I was reading one of my new favorite blogs today, La Dolce Vita, and she had a great gift guide posted, including several really cute things from the online store Cerulean. I'd never heard of it before, so I went to the website and it immediately became one of my favorite places to shop, if only from the tagline alone:

"Cerulean--A World of Style Delivered to Your Door."

How great is that? Not to mention that the merchandise is fabulous. Being my usual broke self, I went straight to the "Sale" section and the first thing I saw was this amazing weekender.



The best part is, it's on sale for $93 instead of its usual $124. How can a girl pass that up? This bag appears to be everything I've been scouring the internet and luggage stores for, it's absolutely adorable, and on sale to boot! I had to get it.

So I did. All I can say is: Thank goodness for credit cards :)

Monochrome Monday

Here is my weekly monochromatic offering. It's (big surprise) another image from St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City.

See more posts by fellow monochrome maniacs here.

The Light In the Dark

More St. Patrick's from NYC.

I'm not at all a religious person--if anything I'm either agnostic or atheist, I haven't quite decided yet. But I love cathedrals. I love the beauty, the peace, and feeling of calm they evoke in me.

There And Back Again

Today's picture is also from New York; it's an amalgam of several billboards up in Times Square.

Today has been an EXTREMELY eventful day! In the midst of this terrible snowstorm that has been menacing the Midwest, but which fortunately mostly missed us here (or the snow, at least did), one of my friends and I had to drive to to a larger city about 45 minutes away to take the GRE this morning. We opted to take my SUV because it has four-wheel-drive and we were worried about the bad weather, so I got stuck driving. Lucky me.

I was already terrified about the test itself; having to worry about whether I was even going to make it there, much less back again, didn't really help. Fortunately we made it safely, took the test, I got decent (if average) scores, and we made it back. All of this despite the fact that when we left here this morning I was driving through whiteout conditions and for the first 15 or 20 minutes couldn't see 5 feet in front of my car. Fun.

And then when we had finally arrived in the city and assumed that we were home free, I somehow managed to hit the one section of ice on a fairly busy street just as I was accelerating and suddenly my car was sliding all over the road. It turned one way, then slid another, we hit and bounced off the curb fairly hard, and then suddenly I was in control again. Whew! That could have been really bad. If there had been a car in the lane next to me we would have collided, because I was definitely turned sideways and sliding down both lanes at a point early in the skid. Then we slid the other way, hit the curb, slid back the first way again, and then were finally straight. It's fortunate I was able to regain control before we hit something more vital than the curb, or or hit it harder and were forced up onto it. Those were a really scary few moments and I was definitely shaking with adrenaline for the next 20 minutes or so.

I've never come so close to having an actual accident before. I mean, I grew up in Iowa--which means that I grew up driving in bad weather and on snow-covered roads--so as a result, fishtailing is not a new experience to me. But that was in a small town with sleepy, quiet roads and it had never been that uncontrolled before. Usually I just slide a little bit and easily correct for it. Here I had absolutely no control, at least for most of it. It didn't help that I had just been accelerating so I was probably going about 40 mph and I was sliding towards an intersection and waiting red light waaaay too fast for my comfort. You know how you're not supposed to touch either of the pedals when you're sliding? Well, I had to use the brakes because we were going too fast and for a second there I had been afraid that we might tip over, so luckily tapping the brakes helped instead of making it worse. That's part of what helped me get my behemoth back under control again; otherwise we might have kept sliding.

Once that little adventure was over we made it safely to the test center. Again, we were extremely lucky because we knew we weren't going to make the 8:30 start time for the test, so we had called to tell them about the bad road conditions and ask what would happen if we didn't make it. Luckily they were nice and were willing to let us start the test late, i.e. whenever we got there, instead of just saying, "too bad, you weren't here on time, you can't take the test so your money is gone," which they could have done. If we hadn't been able to make it today then the fee we paid, a whopping $150 dollars (that neither of us can really afford) would have been gone and we would have had to pay it again to take the test some other day. It's a ridiculous policy and one that led us to risk our lives, or at least my car, by venturing out into today's nasty weather.

I was so worried about the GRE, and then it turned out be a lot easier than I expected. Not easy, certainly; but easi-ER. I did okay on the Verbal section: 660. I had hoped for something a little bit higher, say around 700, mostly to compensate for the abysmal Quantitative score I was anticipating, but I did better on that then I expected with a 370. Still far, far from good or even average, but better than I was expecting and higher than the minimum (300) required for most of the schools I'm interested in. I also beat the minimum for Verbal (600), but not by much--which does have me a little worried. Minimum just isn't good enough with all the competition out there for these spots.

The Walrus and the Carpenter

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes—and ships—and sealing wax—
Of cabbages—and kings—
And why the sea is boiling hot—
And whether pigs have wings.”

Arches and Lights

St. Patrick's Cathedral, New York, NY.

Rowing Through the Very Heart of It

Amazingly enough, I took this photo in the heart of New York City -- Central Park. It's probably one of my favorite images from the trip, mostly due to the incongruity that lies at the heart of the image as well as the city itself. New York is unlike anywhere I've ever been before.

As my friend who visited with me told me on arrival,

"This is New York. Anything goes."

That is very true, and as a result, contradictions flourish everywhere. And I love contradictions.

Probably because I am one.

The Center of the Universe

Otherwise known as Times Square, NYC.

Sunset in NYC

New York, New York!

Here is my first image of the trip. It must be said: I think I'm in love! New York City is definitely the best city in the world. RENT said it best --

New York City: center of the universe!

I took more than 800 shots during less than four days; so it's going to take me a while to get them all sorted through and put in order.

Stay tuned!

Hamlet and the Big Apple

On Friday I'm leaving for New York City!

I've never been there before, so I'm really excited. Unfortunately, I'm coming back on Monday, so it's going to be a really short trip. One of my friends is going to meet me there, though, so we'll have a lot of fun.

The reason it is such a short trip is because the main reason I'm going is to see a play. Just in case you've missed all the Shakespeare-themed entries in the past, I'll let you in on a little not-s0-secret fact about me: I'm a HUGE Shakespeare nut. I love Shakespeare in all forms. LOVE it. Especially Hamlet. Hamlet is my all-time favorite. It's my favorite book, my favorite play, my favorite, period. Have I gotten it across that I love Hamlet?

Well, early this fall I started to hear/read about this new production of Hamlet that started out in London and then moved to New York in September or October, I can't remember exactly when. It has Jude Law playing the titular lead, and all the reviews have been really good (see here and here). Now, that's a little unusual because, as the fabulous Canadian TV show Slings and Arrows satirizes so well, movie stars doing serious theater often get bad reviews simply because they're movie stars doing serious theater. And all of these reviews have been raving over Jude. Plus, I've seen a few clips and they were phenomenal, which explains the positive reviews. So I really really really wanted to see it, but knew that I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. However, I did post the reviews on facebook, and as I had just recently become facebook friends with my mother (it's something I had sworn I would never do and then did; long story), she saw my posts, then apparently saw a review on The Today Show, decided it must be good if The Today Show likes it, and asked if I would like it if she and I went to New York for a weekend to see it.

Anyway, long story short, my parents decided to send me to see this amazing play for my Christmas present, so they're paying for my flight, hotel room, and the Hamlet tickets. Everything else is on me, though, so it's also going to be a cheap vacation, because I work a minimum wage job and am therefore perpetually broke.

And any of you intrepid readers might have noticed a contradiction in my story, as I mentioned above that I was meeting a friend there but also mentioned that my mom had planned for the two of us to go. Well, that had been the plan (which I wasn't too thrilled about because my mother and I aren't that close, but it would have been more than worth it to see that play), until my mom called and said that since she's got all these health problems and hasn't been feeling that well lately, maybe it would be better if I called my good friend who lives in DC to see if she would want to meet me in NYC instead.

I'll admit, I liked this plan better, so I called my friend and she got really excited so I'm meeting her in New York. Needless to say, I can't wait! We've been planning everything we want to see and do, which means we're going to try to cram a lot into two days. Luckily, she's been there before so she somewhat knows her way around--which is really good because with my abysmal sense of direction I'd never be able to get us anywhere we were trying to go. Usually when I go somewhere new it falls on whomever I'm with to get us around, because I get completely, hopelessly lost.

On a slightly different note, I just blew $200 (that I maybe don't have) on a zoom lens for my camera, because that is something I've lusted after for years and am absolutely tickled pink to finally have. I'm definitely taking it and my DSLR to NYC, so if all goes well I'll have tons of new, hopefully fantastic pictures to post up here upon my return.

See you on the other side!

The Mousetrap

"...the play 's the thing
Wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king."

Sunny Days

I think it snowed today.

Unfortunately those sunny days seem to drawing to their annual close. Of course, I realize that the sun still shines in the winter, but it just isn't the same. It's cold, and dreary, and slushy. Even those bright clear days when the sun shines are still cold, and often freezing. Besides, all the leaves are gone and the grass is buried beneath snow, so the absence of color makes the sunshine seem paler, less substantial.

Don't get me wrong--I love winter. For about a month. Then the wonder of the first snowfall starts to fade, and the beauty of a snow-covered lawn becomes smothering, and the bleakness sets in.

That is why I am a firm believer in winter vacations to tropic locales. Unfortunately there are no actual vacations in the stars for me this winter, but I will be making a short trip to Georgia to visit my parents in early January. It'll just be a brief respite from miserable Midwestern winters, and then back to the cold and the wind.

The Pale Cast of Thought

Right now I feel like I'm teetering at the edge of an abyss. I have to make a decision about next year; I can't keep going in this limbo where I currently linger. I graduated from college more than two years ago and I still have yet to find a "real" job. I know that most people, especially in this economy, would tell me that any job, much less one that pays most if not all of my bills, qualifies as a "real" job. My parents are not those people. As they never hesitate to remind me, they dropped a quite large amount of money on my education and as a result would like for me to actually use that education. Working in a kitchen, or even catering, does not qualify. Most of the time I don't mind my job, although sometimes I'll admit I would like to wash my hands of that place (and that's a bad pun, for those of you who might not be aware that working in a kitchen necessitates washing your hands constantly).

A few months ago I finally decided that my next step would be graduate school, and after much soul-searching I settled on journalism for my degree program. However, I've since reconsidered.

I managed to get an internship writing for a small local independent newspaper, which even pays, but after doing my first story I started to wonder if journalism was for me. I'm not sure that I have the personality for it. My first interview, which was face-t0-face with the two co-managers at Wal-Mart (I know, I know--I hate Wal-Mart too) pretty much scared the crap out of me. I've never been good with people, and talking to strangers scares me. I practically ran out of the store without bothering to talk to some customers, get some background, like I should have. My next interview went much more smoothly, mostly because it was a phone interview which is much less intimidating. Also, I can't write that quickly so phone interviews allow me to use my computer and type my notes instead of scrawling them as fast as I can and still missing half of what they say.

But even putting all of that aside, my two biggest problems are that:

1.) When interviewing, I get so nervous that my brain shuts down and completely empties of anything. Basically, I stop thinking and then can't come up with any more questions or anything I might have decided earlier to ask about. It all just flies away and I'm stuck with blankness. It's not just when I interview people, it also happens at work when I'm under pressure and have to decide something or fix a problem. My brain just freezes, and I don't know how to make that stop. I've been dealing with it for more than a year now and it still happens.

2.) I have this sort of, complex I guess you could call it, about people not liking me. I can't ask the tough questions, I don't like to make people mad. I live in the real world, I know that reporters generally piss people off and as a result most people hate them. I'm not sure if I could deal with people hating me and--worst of all--active hostility. I hate confrontations and I quail under scrutiny.

Can I get past these mindsets? I guess that's the million-dollar question. I'm sure going to try, though.

I went to talk to my former journalism professor again today, and again she tried to bolster my confidence. Talking to her makes me feel better, but honestly, she doesn't know me well enough for me to really take it seriously. Case in point: today she told me that she hadn't realized I was shy, that it surprised her to hear that. Ha! Anyone who knows me knows that I'm shy. I'm a follower, not a leader. She also told me that interviewing will get easier as I get more used to it, and that eventually I'll be able to write quickly and coherently without even looking at the pad. I appreciate her encouragement, I just wish that I could really believe it.

However, I do still strongly believe the same things that led me to decide on journalism in the first place. Honestly, that's the only reason that I haven't completely dropped the idea yet.

Are the strength of my ideals enough to carry me through?

I guess I'll find out.

Hope Cemetery

The irony in that phrase appeals to me--especially right now as I'm in a somewhat morbid frame of mind.

Hope + Cemetery.

The two seem like an oxymoron, so linking them together, especially in this particular case, seems a bit naive. I guess this is living proof (haha, sorry, pardon the pun) that hope really does spring eternal. Those settlers back in 1836 must have had buckets of hope and probably not a whole lot more.

I guess if your choice is between nothing and hope, most people would choose hope. If only for their own sanity. And while hope can make you crazy, losing hope definitely will make you crazy.

I would think that most people probably hope that they don't end up in Hope Cemetery anytime soon, though.

Stop

Stop what, you may ask?

I only wish I knew, I answer.

Fabulous Fall Foliage

So far this fall has been gorgeous, with really fabulous fall colors. My personal favorite is the deep yellow. I love the look of yellow trees :)

Bricks and Windows

Here's one of my favorites from my little photo odyssey yesterday.

Full disclosure--I played around a little bit with Picasa to enhance the colors and the contrasts, and I also amped up the fill light a little bit as well, I think.

As to my thoughts on photo editing debate (taking a note from Akinoluna's earlier entry on the subject here) -- well, I took a Black and White Photography class (that's film, by the way, not digital) in college, where I spent endless hours in the dark room wasting sheet after sheet of contact paper in what sometime seemed like a futile attempt at making the perfect print. Anyone who's never done that before and thinks that what is on the film just goes directly onto the paper with no editing -- in your dreams!

Like I said, I spent HOURS agonizing over the perfect exposure, making print after print with incremental differences, trying to get it as good as it could be. Now, they weren't usually huge changes, just things like:

cropping
lengthened/shortened exposure time
burning and dodging

You know, pretty basic stuff that EVERY photographer does/did (burning: exposing one small part of the frame for longer than the rest to make a really light spot darker; dodging: exposing the whole frame but blocking a small too-dark area from the light so that details can be seen). Ansel Adams was infamous for laboring over every detail of his prints in the darkroom, sometimes changing them into something almost unrecognizable from the original negative.

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make here is that I think making small edits to digital photographs like the ones I did to this one aren't cheating; they're simply following in a long line of photographers fiddling with their shots to get the best possible image out of what they took originally.

Now, people who do hatchet jobs by taking bits and pieces of several different photos to make one composite image, basically fabricating the image, is something completely different. It might be art, but it's not photojournalism. And for my intents and purposes, photojournalism is what matters. So none of my images will ever be anything but what I saw and photographed, with one or two small tweaks that doesn't affect the accuracy of the image.

Oh Frabjous Day!

Today has been a fabulous day! I took a walk downtown for a joint-shopping/errand/photo trip, and was fortunate enough to get several great shots of fall foliage and the beautiful afternoon light. I also received a phone call confirming me as an intern for a local paper! A paid intern! Granted, it's merely a free paper with a staff of (now) two, but I'll still be developing, researching, and writing stories which will then be published and I'll even get paid for it, which is the most unbelievable thing. Granted, it's only $20 per story, but that's a lot better than I was expecting--which is $0. Usually interns are granted the privilege of working for free, so any paycheck makes me happy :)

Solitary Sentinel

A short time ago I made the decision to go to apply to graduate school next year. Of course, that decision has brought the requisite headaches and snafu's that are slowly driving me out of my mind. I knew that this process would be full of hassles, but I feel like I'm hitting a roadblock at every turn. Each time I feel like I've triumphed, somehow managing to overcome what felt like an insurmountable obstacle, I immediately turn around and run face-first into another one!

At first my biggest (and most basic!) problem was deciding exactly what course of study I wanted to pursue. The problem is that there are so many fields of study that I find fascinating, and also that I wasn't really sure precisely what I wanted to do with my life. I couldn't settle on a career because there were so many options and none really stood out more than the rest. Eventually, after several discussions with several former professors, I settled on journalism.

Journalism is a field that not only fascinates me, but one that has so much power and capability to do good, and it seems like that power has been misused in the past decade (i.e. the 2002-3 run-up to Iraq invasion). I've also been a bit of a news junkie for the past several years, and something that never ceases to infuriate me is the lack of coverage for serious issues while the headlines splashed all over the country usually involve Lindsay Lohan's latest stint in rehab or which celebrity is cheating with which other celebrity. How do the usually excessive and often criminal peccadilloes of celebrities trump the invasion of a country and the deaths of hundreds to thousands of innocent people, such as when Russia invaded Georgia or Israel attacked Gaza? Both times neither event was the leading headline. Things like that are what I would like to change.

The biggest challenge facing me, however, is the possibility of getting into grad school. Because right now my chances are not looking good. I spent several hours this afternoon with a friend studying for the GRE, which really means taking a practice test. Disappointingly, I didn't do as well on the Verbal section as I had hoped, but it wasn't that bad and if I study it should be fine. However, the real problem was with the Quantitative section. In other words: the bane of my existence since first grade. I hate math. My brain just isn't wired for it. When I was reading those practice questions, it was like trying to read Japanese. It made absolutely no sense. Even when my friend was trying to help me by working through the problems and explaining them as she went, I wasn't getting any of it. Some of it sounded vaguely familiar, misty remnants from long-ago classes that, like smoke, were gone as soon as I tried to grasp them.

I'm seriously worried about taking the GRE now, because I don't think I'll be able to pass the Quantitative section with a score that will allow me get into any school I like. Or any school at all. Even if I do better on the Verbal than I expect, it won't be enough to offset the abysmal Quantitative score I'm expecting, and all the programs I'm interested in require a minimum of (usually) 1000-1100 for admission.

It's really too bad, because I was just getting excited about all this research I've been doing and finding programs that I really like and daydreaming about all the possibilities. I'm still definitely going to pursue it, though, and cracking the GRE will be my first step. It's time to study, study, STUDY! At least until I actually take the test in a few weeks. Depending on my score, I'll decide then what will happen next once I have a concrete answer (how long does it take for you to get your score, anyway?) but until then I'm going to keep pressing forward with my research, reference letters, and personal statements until the very last minute.

Early Winter

I know the weather isn't the most fascinating topic to discuss, but it's only Oct. 10 and it already feels like winter. We haven't gotten any snow here, thank goodness, but it snowed yesterday in my hometown, which is not that far! This picture might not show the actual scene outside right now, but it describes rather well the way that it feels. There's a definite chill in the air, and when I left for work today it felt like winter. It even had that cold smell that heralds winter weather.

Puddles

We've been getting quite a lot of rain here lately, although apparently not as much as other areas of the country (here's looking at you, Georgia), and these enormous puddles formed on the remains of an old road near where I live. The Burg has a lot of brick roads that I'm guessing date back to the nineteenth century, and are very picturesque but not a lot of fun to drive over. This one is no longer a road. It runs at an angle for about a short half-block, almost parallel to the train tracks until it runs into them and stops. Everytime I go by, either walking or driving, I wonder how old it is, what happened to the rest of the road, and why this section is still here. Actually, this picture is rather misleading because you can't normally see the bricks. When I took the picture and looked at it in the LED screen, I lowered the camera and looked at the road, then back at the camera in confusion, because the picture I was seeing in the camera was not the same scene I was seeing in real life. Actually, all I could see was dust, and the bricks very faintly underneath. They didn't look red; they were the same color as the dust. They really pop in the picture a lot more than they do in real life for some reason. I guess that's one of the instances of where a picture can lie.

Shadow Patterns

I walked into my room one afternoon and found this great pattern on the blinds from the tree outside the window. I love all the cool things that late afternoon sun does. It always creates the best photo opportunities.

Self-Portrait?

I accidentally took a self-portrait when doing a close-up of these spoons. You can't really recognize me, but in an abstract way this photo works perfectly--especially since "abstract" really fits me right now. I'm rather vague, abstract, and a little bit lost right now, so this fits as a self-portrait. After all, self-portraits are supposed to be how you see yourself at the time, right? I also like that there are actually two slightly different images of me in it, since I've always felt that my personality was somewhat divided and contradictory. It's like there are two of me, and they often clash. I never know from moment to moment which of me is going to be dominant at that time. I wish I could just figure out which me is the real me, and stick with that one. I think that I've been trying to be someone else for so long that I don't know who I really am anymore, and that lies at the root of all my problems right now. The real concern right is that I can't settle on a path until I know who I am, but I don't have the slightest idea how to go about doing that. How do I figure out who I am? Why can't there be some guide? Why don't we come with how-to manuals? That would make life so much simpler.

Park Hours

Rainbow of Knives

Again, the fruits of my labors. Seriously, I think I take too many photos while I'm supposed to be working. But photography is just so much more fun!

Monochrome Sconce

This week's offering. Enjoy!

See more monochrome delights at Monochrome Weekly Theme.

Old Friends and New

I went back to my hometown for several days last week to visit with my amazing friends from high school. I had a blast, and especially enjoyed spending time with my friend's baby, who is absolutely adorable! That's her above, walking with another one of my friends. It was such a good time, I love my friends and see them too rarely. I wish the trip could have lasted longer than 4 days!

Quintessentially Umbria

This is an old one I just pulled out of the bowels of my computer, as I'm looking back through all the thousands of photos I took in Europe two and a half years ago. This particular image is from Orvieto--the most beautiful, unique, and charming little village in Italy.

Monochrome Staircase

See more black and white images at Monochrome Weekly Theme.

Alone

Fearful Symmetry

Or maybe just symmetry...


Another image from around town.

LoveSick

Sonnet 116
by William Shakespeare (1564 – 1616)

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

I don't believe in love, but I have to admit, I do love the way Shakespeare writes about it.

Levels

Library Day

Today was a good library day.

The best part is, I hadn't even meant for today to be a library day. I had several books that were due back a few days ago, and as usual I procrastinated and kept putting off returning them, even though I finished them all quite a while ago. I know, I'm terrible. I can't for the life of me turn a book in on time. And considering that I worked in a library on and off for seven years, that's a little concerning.

Anyways, I finally decided to stop by the library on my way home from work today to drop them off. At first I debated whether I should just go by the drive-through book drop-off, but eventually decided that I might as well go in and see if there was anything interesting on the new book shelf. Well, as soon as I walk up to it and start scanning the shelves, the first book I see is Douglas Adams' The Restaurant at the End of the Universe! I've been wanting to read that book since I read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy way back in October, but the library's only copy was missing. Well, they must have decided to replace it, and just gotten the new one in. YEEESSSS!!! I loved Hitchhiker and really wanted to continue the series, but I'm one of those people that absolutely HAS to read books in order. I can't skip books in a series. So you understand my excitement at realizing that I can finish the series now! Yay!

Then, a few books later, I found Pride and Prejudice and Zombies! Another book I've been anxiously awaiting, since my old roommate J alerted me to the fact that it was soon to be published, way back last winter. It just came out a few weeks ago, and I'd been meaning to check the library for it but, as usual, hadn't gotten around to it. I mean, come on! It's Pride and Prejudice! With zombies! What could be more awesome?

Then, after that I found a few new titles by two of my favorite authors of trashy romance novels (my guilty pleasure--I can't resist them!) and stocked up on them.

Then I found a new Chuck Palahniuk novel! Yes! I'm a huge fan of Fight Club, so I can't wait to get to this one.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a major book person. The only thing I would ever get in trouble in school for when I was a kid was for reading in class. Something that I did a little too often, and maybe explains why my basic math skills are so lousy...

All in all, it was a good day at the library.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up

Piano
by DH Lawrence (1885 – 1930)

Softly, in the dusk, a woman is singing to me;
Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see
A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings
And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.
In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song
Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong
To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside
And hymns in the cosy parlour, the tinkling piano our guide.
So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamour
With the great black piano appassionato. The glamour
Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast
Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.

Orange

Both the cat and the curtain!

Baskets and Bars

Gothic Light

I took my camera to work again and took a lot more pictures while I was cleaning in the ballroom. There are these great light fixtures on the walls that always remind me of Gothic chandeliers. They also cast great shadows! Very atmospheric and moody.

Serene

New Photos

I was talking to one of my coworkers, who is also interested in photography (and exceedingly jealous of my new DSLR!), during our lunch breaks yesterday about how I haven't been taking any pictures lately, even though I have this nice new camera. I was telling her how I would usually go for a walk downtown, and that's where I would take most of my shots, but since my ipod disappeared I've had no inclication to walk anywhere (I know, I know, I'm pathetic). Her suggestion was for me to try take a picture every day. It doesn't have to be great, or even that good, just. . . . a picture. Of course, seeing as how I'm slightly a perfectionist, I'm going to end up taking dozens in an attempt to get one good one. Oh well, that's the advantage of going digital :)

This isn't 100%, but I'm at least going to try taking one photo every day. I might not post it here, but I'll try, as, after all, this is what this blog is for. A medium for me to display my photos and to encourage myself to take more.

So, for better or worse, here is my first attempt at posting a daily photo. Enjoy!

Path to Nowhere

There's an old brick path, mostly overgrown, that follows alongside the length of my building. Everything was in bloom and colorful at the height of spring when I took this. Lots of pretty colors!

Back to Life As Usual

I actually can't remember if I've already posted this one, but I don't think so. And even if I did, I'm putting it up now anyway.

I'm glad to be back here, somehow over the last year it's become home to me. It's nice to be free again, and away from the oppressiveness that is my family. I know, they mean well, it's just that they come across as, well, somewhat condescending and superior. Maybe because they're all successful and I'm not? At least, not yet. Right now I'm content to just wait and see what happens with my life while they're all on the fast track to career and family. I'm still exploring my options (actually trying to decide just what those options are) while both my siblings chose a path right out of school and stuck to it, doing fairly well. I know that traditionally the youngest is supposed to be the black sheep of the family, and I guess I'm playing my part well because I'm definitely not the golden child. I'm far from being a troublemaker, or even terribly unusual, I'm just not quite normal enough to fit in easily.

My family likes normal.

Wisconsin Miserable

I'm back in Wisconsin again; this time because my sister is in town. She flew in for the week to visit our brother as well as the aunt, uncle, and cousins that live nearby. I drove up yesterday, even though I was just here two months ago, because I haven't seen my sister for more than a year. Of course, now that I've been here a full day I'm remembering why I don't like spending time with my family. They more than anyone else make me revert instantaneously back into the spoiled, selfish, childish 5-year-old I once was. Somehow any growing up that I've done disappears and I turn back into the little brat I used to be. I don't like that person, and while I've (for the most part) managed to rid myself of her, she comes back as soon as I'm back with my family and I'm helpless to do anything about it. I guess I'm just not a big enough person to swallow my pride and grow up. It happened today, yet again. Darn it! I think that being 24 is really only a number. I still have a lot of growing up to do.

Cat Amid Clutter

Okay, I admit it: I'm not the neatest person in the world. I'm actually rather a slob. At least at home--everywhere else I tend to be rather neat and organized. I think I'm kind of pathologically messy at home because I'm living on my own for the first time ever, in my own apartment with no roommates and now I'm completely free for the first time to live how I want. While growing up my room was always by far the messiest in the house (except maybe for my brother's), since my mother is a total clean freak. Our entire house was always completely spotless, you-could-eat-off-the-floors clean. And my mother ruled in a heavy-fisted manner. It was her way or nothing. There was no other option. So I think that in some subconscious way being messy was my way of rebelling against her iron rule. The thing is, now that I have the freedom to live however I like, with no judgment from anyone, I should be getting over it. But somehow I'm not. When I had a roommate I felt like I had to do my part and keep the apartment neat and clean--or at least somewhat neat and clean. But now? I'm just too lazy.

Workplace Drama

On a slightly more entertaining but somewhat awkward level, I'm now officially hated by someone. And surprisingly, other than being fairly amused and a little uncomfortable with it, I really could care less. That's an improvement, trust me. A year ago the thought that someone didn't like me, much less professed to hate me, would have caused me to completely flip out. I used to be one of those people that always had to be nice, to have people love me and would go to crazy lengths to achieve that and obsess about it endlessly. Now I just kind of smile and shrug and go on with my work. Because yes, it is someone at work (of course, it would have to be since I don't know anyone else in this town other than coworkers). It's this FNG who has been catering with us recently. Sorry, that's not very polite. It's this new guy who has been catering with us recently. It's kind of a long complicated story that would require a lot of explanations b/c none of you internet readers are familiar with the situation at my work, so I'll just stick to the bare bones of the facts.

We hired this new guy, who I thought was supposed to be for catering only b/c we're always shorthanded with that (no one wants to do it; it's long hours, hard work, and very little pay) so when he was assigned to help us with it I wasn't surprised. Only I have to claim my share of the blame for the clusterfudge we've now found ourselves in. My boss kind of believes in throwing people straight into the fire when it comes to catering. Training is provided on the job, if at all. Now catering events tend to be incredibly busy and completely crazy, keeping us running the entire time--which is not exactly the best time to have to stop and explain stuff to a newbie. Also I'm not very good at training new people and explaining things. My instructions tend to either sound like abrupt orders or tentative suggestions.

The first event he helped with was even busier than usual because the guests showed up an hour early and we were NOT prepared. So New Guy (NG from now on) didn't really have much training, simply b/c we were too busy to provide it, as it's often easier to just do stuff ourselves rather than have to stop and tell someone else to do it (especially if they don't know how).

His next assigned event was helping me to cater a HUGE graduation party with like 150 guests. Two caterers for 150 people? Yeah, right. And New Guy started disappearing. I'd be running back and forth, look around, and NG would be nowhere. That started to irk me a little, as I was literally being run off my feet. As soon as I refilled drinks, the food would be gone. I'd refill the food, start to pick up plates, and the drinks would be gone again. I'd refill drinks, and they would be out of glasses. You get the picture. Meanwhile, I'd dash into the back room (sometimes referred to as the ballroom kitchen), and NG would be standing there with his hands in his pockets, doing nothing. I mean, I get that he's new, but some things are just kind of obvious. They're called eyes. Use them! And partly it was my fault because I'm not very good at telling people what to do, and then I just got irritated and didn't want to tell him to do stuff b/c I didn't think I'd be very nice about it. So another girl from the kitchen who was supposed to be getting off duty ended up coming over and helping me out instead, while NG either stood around or disappeared some more. So finally this other girl kind of lost her temper and yelled at him, telling him to get to work. She would tell him to go pick up plates, he'd go out once and load up, put them in the back room, and then disappear again. We literally had to tell him every time to go do something. This continued all night.

Then on Saturday night we had another huge wedding reception; it was just me, NG, and another girl, we'll call her Charity. Basically, again, same thing happened. I'd even had a little talk with NG prior to the event starting, telling him the basic idea of what needs to be done, and told him NOT to pull the disappearing thing again. Of course that was pointless. He pulled the same routine all over again, sticking me and Charity with most of the work except when we specifically told him to do something or he got to show off how strong and cool he was was by either carrying something heavy and showcasing his muscles or standing around with his hands in his pockets looking suave and mature. That was sarcasm in case you missed it. I had come in an hour early to make sure everything was done and I sent Charity home early since she had to be in at 7 the next morning; of course, NG had already asked if he could go home so I said fine, since pretty much everything was done, and as he left he muttered something about his feet hurting him. Poor baby. Needless to say, I was the last out of there again.

Then the next day all three of us were working regular shifts in the kitchen, and Charity and I were finishing up in the ballroom most of the day, including cleaning up some stuff that NG did wrong and therefore making more work for us. He has a problem with just going ahead and doing stuff that he doesn't know how to do, instead of asking how to do it, which means he does it wrong and we have to clean up after him. Sometimes even after I've told him how to do it right.

Anyways, at one point I was alone over in the ballroom b/c Charity had gone back over to the kitchen to help out, and suddenly she comes storming into the back room fuming over something. Eventually she tells me that NG had told E, another guy who works with us, that Charity and I are lazy bitches and he hates us. Uhhhhh.......okay. We're lazy? We actually do our work plus his work b/c he's never there, and WE'RE lazy? He probably only hates us because we make him work, which apparently he doesn't like. When he and I catered the grad party and were cleaning up afterwards, he kept asking if he could go. I'd say no, b/c we weren't done yet. Then when I finally did say he could go, as he left I heard him mutter under his breath, "Thank God". Clearly that boy needs to toughen up. He hasn't even worked a hard shift yet. Wait til he spends 14 hours running off his feet, able to sit down maybe 15 minutes out of those 14 hours, and those are just a minute here and there adding up to the 15 minutes total. THEN your feet will hurt. GRRR!!! At the time I was just amused, but now I'm starting to get annoyed! He'd better watch out--I might be a forgive-and-forget-type person, but some of my coworkers are revenge-and-retribution-type people, and he's starting to piss them off some too. They WILL make him miserable if he continues in this vein.

I'm sorry, that turned from a simple explanation to a full-on rant, which I hadn't intended. But it did make me feel better :)

Double Sided

I'm actually feeling pretty good tonight. Not that I've really been that bad, but there's just been some philosophical soul-searching going on, which obviously leads to some ups and downs. I had both yesterday and today off from work, which was definitely a nice break. I don't often get two days off in a row--in fact, it happens so rarely that when it does occur I feel like I don't know what to do with myself for two whole days!

Maybe it's because right now I'm drinking a beer and watching Colbert? He's always pretty entertaining. Or maybe it's because I actually got my laundry done today, which I've needed to do for like a month. I was starting to run out of clean clothes :) As you can probably tell, I'm not very domestic. Or maybe it's because last night I was carrying on two simultaneous conversations online with two different friends. It's always nice to feel popular. Plus one of them was one of my best and oldest friends and talking to her always makes me happy. And I have another friend's visit to look forward in less than two weeks, so that also put me in a good mood.

However, these reminders also have down side. I don't realize just how lonely I am until I talk to one of my friends, and then it kind of blindsides me. I have no life; I get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, get up and start all over again. That's it. My diversions purely come from occasional trips to Wal-Mart and the library. Yeah, that's life in a small town for you. There are occasional things that I could do, but that I don't want to do by myself. Now that my roommate's gone, I don't really have anyone to hang with if I want to go to the park, or to a festival, or just out for a walk. And my ipod is missing, so I'm even less inclined to go for a walk or to the gym, which would kill time and get me outdoors and healthier. I think I'm alone too much. I talk to my cats.

I need to get out more.

Ruby Tuesday

This week I actually went out looking for red, and surprise! I found it under my very nose, at work! This is the lineup of various drink machines in the ballroom kitchen where we do most of our catering. The red one is one of the three spigots on the giant coffee maker we have back there. And just FYI, that coffee maker is possessed. It hates me. It keeps breaking down--as soon as we fix one problem, another one manifests itself. Coffee Satan's latest foible was to keep overflowing when we tried to make coffee, so that there would be a deluge of water coming out of it in several spots, completely soaking the floor and everything around it while we frantically scrambled to find bowls and pitchers to catch the water in, then of course stopping as soon as the water-catchers are all in place. Well, we fixed that and shortly after, instead of overflowing water, it started overflowing coffee. Then we fixed that, and so far nothing else has gone wrong with it.

Although our little coffee maker has started occasionally leaking when we use it.

[sigh]

You just can't win.



See more Ruby Tuesday entries here.

Monochrome Reflections

Another monochromatic image from several weeks ago while walking downtown. Have I mentioned that I have a thing about reflections?

See my fellow monochromatic maniacs at Monochrome Weekly Theme. Enjoy!