Self-Portrait?

I accidentally took a self-portrait when doing a close-up of these spoons. You can't really recognize me, but in an abstract way this photo works perfectly--especially since "abstract" really fits me right now. I'm rather vague, abstract, and a little bit lost right now, so this fits as a self-portrait. After all, self-portraits are supposed to be how you see yourself at the time, right? I also like that there are actually two slightly different images of me in it, since I've always felt that my personality was somewhat divided and contradictory. It's like there are two of me, and they often clash. I never know from moment to moment which of me is going to be dominant at that time. I wish I could just figure out which me is the real me, and stick with that one. I think that I've been trying to be someone else for so long that I don't know who I really am anymore, and that lies at the root of all my problems right now. The real concern right is that I can't settle on a path until I know who I am, but I don't have the slightest idea how to go about doing that. How do I figure out who I am? Why can't there be some guide? Why don't we come with how-to manuals? That would make life so much simpler.