Stuck in Limbo

I really miss all my kids, and the school, and Kabul, and basically everything about Afghanistan.

Well, okay, maybe not everything. But most things.

I love still being able to talk to my kids on Skype, and that they occasionally still call me for help, and that several of them called me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday.

I really need/wish/am dying to jump-start my life and finally start my real life. I've been applying for jobs like crazy, but so far have had zero luck.

One of the kind-of-annoying things that always happens when I tell people what field I'm interested in (international development) is that they always say, "Oh, what about the Peace Corps? Have you looked in to that?"

Really? Do they really think I haven't thought long and hard about the Peace Corps, and even started the application process?

I'm just still not sure if I'm ready for it. I think I'm getting there, but I don't know if I'll ever reach it. My last risk didn't work out so well, so I'm not okay with taking another one so soon, especially such a huge one.

So for now I'll keep the application active, and the idea on the backburner, but still there.

Kabul job update

I didn't get the job.

But I came really close! In the end it was between me and another person and since they actually had grant writing experience while I didn't, they beat me out for the position.

But I was stoked that I even came that close to getting it, so I'm still looking for that elusive job that will bring me back to Kabul.

Here's a funny story: the last time I talked to Maryam she said that Zalaykha might need someone to help with Zarif Design, so she would talk to her to find out and wanted to know how much salary I would need. When I pointed out that I have loans due and finding a place to live in Kabul would be expensive, her response was:

"That's okay, you can live with my family so you don't have to worry about that."

!  

:P

I love Maryam, she's so freaking adorable. And I absolutely adore her family and would love to stay with them, but being 13, I don't think she quite realizes what she would be putting them in for by making that offer.

I love how excited all the girls are about me wanting to move back to Kabul, and how enthusiastic they get about 'helping' me find a job.

I really do miss them all so much.

Yet again I come back to this blog only after realizing just how long it's been since I've updated.

The biggest development is that I've temporarily put school on hold while I try to find a job, save up enough money, and hopefully transfer to another school/program.

Right now I'm stuck in Schroedinger's cat territory -- applied for my dream job, made it through two interviews to become one of two finalists, and am stuck waiting to hear if I got it or not. The hiring manager told me they'd let me know Friday or early next week and as Friday has passed with no notice, I get to spend the weekend agonizing over it. I'm basically assuming I didn't get it, because I'm fairly to pretty damn sure I didn't, but that doesn't stop the agony.

However, that fact also hasn't stopped me from dreaming about what would happen if I did get it, because it's pretty much impossible to stop me from that. It would also be the first time in my life that I would be making good money, because it's a government contractor that presumably comes with the typical comfortable salary, and I would be living at their compound in Kabul so I wouldn't exactly have any expenses.

And the best part is, those contracts come with five vacations a year! Since I don't know any of the details yet (those would come with the offer), my mind has been going crazy with all these fantastic luxurious vacation ideas in all the places I've always wanted to visit.

High on the list is Kenya, where I could finally visit my good friend from college, and stay at the Giraffe Manor  because I LOVE giraffes!

Then there's Dubai, of course, and Istanbul, and Morocco, and Oman, and Jordan, and Cambodia, and India, and about 500 others.

Needless to say, all this dreaming is only going to make the rejection that much worse and the fall that much harder. But I still can't stop myself from doing it.

Back from outer space

Clearly I have been sadly neglecting this blog. But in my defense, well, there's been a lot going on. Which really means that I'll start neglecting it yet again as soon as this post is published...

As I sit here listening to surprisingly flamenco-like and brilliant Malian music yet utterly unmotivated to get any actual work done, I figure that I might as well blog some updates of my life as it stands right now.

Let's see, my last entry was about my then-upcoming trip to Washington, DC (first trip there ever!) so I believe I will start with that.

The extremely brief weekend trip was for the wedding of a good friend since middle school who has been living out there since we graduated from college five years ago now (yee gods!) and who I rarely get to see now that my parents moved to Georgia; far, far away from our hometown in Iowa so that means no Christmas visits with old friends.

My older sister also lives in DC, so I flew out on Thursday, she arranged to take Friday off work to take my sightseeing, the wedding was on Saturday, and I flew home early Sunday morning.

Unfortunately, my sister and I aren't very close and tend to take opposite stances on many things, such as Afghanistan, the government, and my desire to go into humanitarian work (especially in Afghanistan), which inevitably led to some awkward conversation-debate-arguments punctuated by many awkward silences.

Fortunately as a much-needed counterbalance to that uncomfortable day was the time spent with my old hometown friends, including one friend's two adorable kids. It was fantastic to hang out with them again; when we're apart for so long sometimes I start to forget how awesome they are and how much I love them.

In addition to the daytime sightseeing with my sister, the wonderful bride-to-be arranged a bus tour of all the monuments that night, which was a ton of fun. It was a small wedding with mostly family and a few good friends like us, so we all had a blast together.

Here are a few of my favorite photos out of the hundreds I probably took while wandering around our nation's capital that weekend.

Enjoy!