Stuck in Limbo

I really miss all my kids, and the school, and Kabul, and basically everything about Afghanistan.

Well, okay, maybe not everything. But most things.

I love still being able to talk to my kids on Skype, and that they occasionally still call me for help, and that several of them called me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday.

I really need/wish/am dying to jump-start my life and finally start my real life. I've been applying for jobs like crazy, but so far have had zero luck.

One of the kind-of-annoying things that always happens when I tell people what field I'm interested in (international development) is that they always say, "Oh, what about the Peace Corps? Have you looked in to that?"

Really? Do they really think I haven't thought long and hard about the Peace Corps, and even started the application process?

I'm just still not sure if I'm ready for it. I think I'm getting there, but I don't know if I'll ever reach it. My last risk didn't work out so well, so I'm not okay with taking another one so soon, especially such a huge one.

So for now I'll keep the application active, and the idea on the backburner, but still there.

Kabul job update

I didn't get the job.

But I came really close! In the end it was between me and another person and since they actually had grant writing experience while I didn't, they beat me out for the position.

But I was stoked that I even came that close to getting it, so I'm still looking for that elusive job that will bring me back to Kabul.

Here's a funny story: the last time I talked to Maryam she said that Zalaykha might need someone to help with Zarif Design, so she would talk to her to find out and wanted to know how much salary I would need. When I pointed out that I have loans due and finding a place to live in Kabul would be expensive, her response was:

"That's okay, you can live with my family so you don't have to worry about that."

!  

:P

I love Maryam, she's so freaking adorable. And I absolutely adore her family and would love to stay with them, but being 13, I don't think she quite realizes what she would be putting them in for by making that offer.

I love how excited all the girls are about me wanting to move back to Kabul, and how enthusiastic they get about 'helping' me find a job.

I really do miss them all so much.

Yet again I come back to this blog only after realizing just how long it's been since I've updated.

The biggest development is that I've temporarily put school on hold while I try to find a job, save up enough money, and hopefully transfer to another school/program.

Right now I'm stuck in Schroedinger's cat territory -- applied for my dream job, made it through two interviews to become one of two finalists, and am stuck waiting to hear if I got it or not. The hiring manager told me they'd let me know Friday or early next week and as Friday has passed with no notice, I get to spend the weekend agonizing over it. I'm basically assuming I didn't get it, because I'm fairly to pretty damn sure I didn't, but that doesn't stop the agony.

However, that fact also hasn't stopped me from dreaming about what would happen if I did get it, because it's pretty much impossible to stop me from that. It would also be the first time in my life that I would be making good money, because it's a government contractor that presumably comes with the typical comfortable salary, and I would be living at their compound in Kabul so I wouldn't exactly have any expenses.

And the best part is, those contracts come with five vacations a year! Since I don't know any of the details yet (those would come with the offer), my mind has been going crazy with all these fantastic luxurious vacation ideas in all the places I've always wanted to visit.

High on the list is Kenya, where I could finally visit my good friend from college, and stay at the Giraffe Manor  because I LOVE giraffes!

Then there's Dubai, of course, and Istanbul, and Morocco, and Oman, and Jordan, and Cambodia, and India, and about 500 others.

Needless to say, all this dreaming is only going to make the rejection that much worse and the fall that much harder. But I still can't stop myself from doing it.

Back from outer space

Clearly I have been sadly neglecting this blog. But in my defense, well, there's been a lot going on. Which really means that I'll start neglecting it yet again as soon as this post is published...

As I sit here listening to surprisingly flamenco-like and brilliant Malian music yet utterly unmotivated to get any actual work done, I figure that I might as well blog some updates of my life as it stands right now.

Let's see, my last entry was about my then-upcoming trip to Washington, DC (first trip there ever!) so I believe I will start with that.

The extremely brief weekend trip was for the wedding of a good friend since middle school who has been living out there since we graduated from college five years ago now (yee gods!) and who I rarely get to see now that my parents moved to Georgia; far, far away from our hometown in Iowa so that means no Christmas visits with old friends.

My older sister also lives in DC, so I flew out on Thursday, she arranged to take Friday off work to take my sightseeing, the wedding was on Saturday, and I flew home early Sunday morning.

Unfortunately, my sister and I aren't very close and tend to take opposite stances on many things, such as Afghanistan, the government, and my desire to go into humanitarian work (especially in Afghanistan), which inevitably led to some awkward conversation-debate-arguments punctuated by many awkward silences.

Fortunately as a much-needed counterbalance to that uncomfortable day was the time spent with my old hometown friends, including one friend's two adorable kids. It was fantastic to hang out with them again; when we're apart for so long sometimes I start to forget how awesome they are and how much I love them.

In addition to the daytime sightseeing with my sister, the wonderful bride-to-be arranged a bus tour of all the monuments that night, which was a ton of fun. It was a small wedding with mostly family and a few good friends like us, so we all had a blast together.

Here are a few of my favorite photos out of the hundreds I probably took while wandering around our nation's capital that weekend.

Enjoy!

Seeing the Sights

Soon I'll be leaving for a weekend in DC, where I will be attending the wedding of a longtime friend in Maryland.

I'm feeling a little ambiguous about the wedding itself - only two of our friends will also be attending, one with her family (husband and two kids) and the other one, my last single friend, is a bridesmaid so won't be around much. And since the wedding is not in our hometown -- it is, in fact, halfway across the country -- so aside from my friend's family and our two old friends, there won't be many people there who I will know.

Add to this the fact that I'm so incredibly socially awkward that at my own brother's wedding last month, surrounded by family and people I've known most of my life, I still spent quite a bit of time either standing awkwardly alone in a corner or following my sister around like a shadow.

So despite the fact that I love my friend and I'm extremely happy for her, I'm not particularly looking forward to the wedding part of the trip.

However, all is not lost!
 
I'm not completely dreading the entire trip, just the wedding part, thanks to my sister. She happens to also live in DC, and since I have a day and a half open for sightseeing, she has volunteered to play tour guide for me.

I'm super excited about this part of the trip because I've never been to DC before and there's so much to see there! It's such a fascinating city, a mix of the old and new. There are sights of great historical importance around every corner, but people currently making history also call the city home.

Right now I'm researching everything to decide the places I most want to visit, which only serves to make me even more excited.

I love traveling and visiting new places, and DC is crammed full of historic, important, or just plain beautiful places and things to see.

The hardest part is going to be narrowing it down to the little I can squeeze into such a small amount of time.

My friend arranged a monument tour the evening before the wedding, so I imagine that will cram in the National Mall and most of the monuments.

I know I definitely want to see the White House and visit the Capitol, so if those are not included on the tour I'll have my sister take me. Fortunately for me she's lived there for a long time and has played tour guide for visiting relatives and friends many a time, so she knows all the tricks.


At the top of my list is the Library of Congress, of course. Then come a museum or two, definitely the Newseum, and beyond that I'm a little hazy. There's nothing else really of pressing importance that I'm just dying to see, and there is so much to see and do in DC that it's hard to pick just a few things if you're not dying to visit.

Clearly this will require some more thought...

My Favorite Experience in Kabul

For the last day of Eid, since I was alone at the school while everyone else went home for the holiday, my favorite student who fortunately for me lives in Kabul invited me to her home. It had been a little boring being at the school all by myself for a week, but shortly before everyone left I had caught a really bad cold so it worked out pretty well because I spent most of that week in bed recovering, and then was fine by the time Eid rolled around and I got to go to Maryam's home.


My student Maryam is twelve and her mother, Amina, is only about a year older than me (28 or 29) and incredibly kind. Amina and I clicked immediately and I had a really good time at their house. Even though Maryam is the only one in the family who really speaks English I had no trouble communicating with Amina even when Maryam wasn't in the room to translate. Thanks to my little bit of Dari and her little bit of English, we made it work.

 Maryam is the oldest child with four younger siblings (two boys and two girls, who are the youngest), who are all really sweet. Particularly the youngest girl. I felt bad though, when we were laying on the mats against pillows watching TV, she kept sitting down next to me and cuddling up to me and sharing my pillow, and would occasionally say something to me. Only my Dari is so terrible that I couldn't understand her, so I had to keep saying "Nehmi fahmam," which means "I don't understand," and smile. I smiled a lot this summer. I had only intended to spend the day there, but when it was time to go home Maryam begged me to stay so I spent the night as well and went home the next morning. When I left, Amina, Maryam's mother, thanked me for coming and told me to please think of their home as my home while I was in Afghanistan.

Other than just because I absolutely love Maryam's family, this was my favorite experience from the summer because it was the only time I was able to spend time with a regular Afghan family and see how they live, what daily life is like. I treasure that experience because I'm well aware that it is one most foreigners would never get in Afghanistan, even in Kabul.

Also, I got to wear my brand new beautiful punjabi that was a gift from my best friend from the school. Traditionally Afghans get new clothes for Eid, and rather coincidentally I ended up only taking this to a tailor a couple weeks before the holiday so it turned out to be my Eid clothes, just like Afghans get.

BTW, that was the most comfortable thing I've ever worn. Way more comfortable than any pajamas I've ever owned, which until now had been the most comfortable thing I've ever worn. If I do end up going back I'm investing in a ton of these.

 

Seriously, how could you not love this kid?

Fresh fruit and lunch in one of Kabul's 'hidden gardens'

A few weeks ago I spent a quiet afternoon in the lovely garden belonging to a friend of some of the students at the school where I volunteer. To thank her for inviting us as well as for all the help she's given them in the past, the girls decided to cook lunch for her. 

I can't cook, but these girls certainly can. So I stayed out of the way and photographed them instead, and then took a walk around the garden.

Most homes in Afghanistan are surrounded by a high wall with a gate for entrance in order to protect the modesty of the women of the family. Inside these walls are the home and nearly always a garden bursting with fruit and flowers.  It provides an outside space for the women, and also a source for fresh fruit. After all, it doesn't get much fresher than just plucked off a tree a few steps from the door!

 The kitchen window looks out onto a trellis heavily laden with grapes, and beyond that a flower, herb, and fruit garden.

 One of the best parts of Kabul is all the different kinds of mouth-wateringly delicious fruits that grow in these backyard gardens. These are apples, but also common are apricots, grapes, blackberries, peaches, and many others.

 

 The yummy finished product - our meal was just as delicious as it looks!

 

I just realized that I haven't even updated this blog for ages. Not that it really matters, because no one follows me, but I figured I might as well.

I ended up in Kabul after all, and that's where I am as I write this. I'm volunteering at a girls' school in exchange for room and board, and supposed to be doing my thesis research but haven't actually done much of that yet.

So instead of getting some work done, here are some pictures I've taken since I've been here.